Dear Golfer,

Welcome to the Club Crackers page with me, Hamish BcBirdy. On the first, ladies and gentlemen, a joke from Steen Thomsen from Swansea......

Arthur was first up in his foursome. Eyeing the ball, he swung his club and hooked his shot over the fence and down a road where the ball crashed through the windscreen of an oncoming car. The startled driver lost control, spun into a car park and bounced off three cars.

Arthur raced over to the crash scene and was relieved to find that no one was hurt. Almost immediately a policeman arrived and spotted Jack standing next to the crashed car holding his ball.

"Just what are you going to do about this?" demanded the policeman.

Arthur looked very concerned gazing into the distance. "Well, the first thing I'm going to do is change my grip and then probably use a 7 iron."

Some more hard cold facts about the game we often love to hate!

The love of your life either hates golf or is a better player than you.

The more you play a course the more obsessed you become with its dangers.

The most important inches in golf are not those between the ears: they are the ones between your ball and the hole on the fourth putt.

The nicer the golf ball the more likely you are to lose it.

Calling all hayfever sufferers!

Following my little piece last month about hay fever (click here if you missed it) I have been "unindated" with requests to invent something that protects those of us whose handicap suffers every summer due to this pollen powered affliction. Now I am not yet renowned for my invention skills (in fact I am not renowned for anything) however I think I have had my eureka moment. Yes it is true my friends. An apple fell on my head and a lightning bolt pierced the skies - both synonymous with eureka moments no? - as I created the hayfever cap! Yes imagine a cap and balaclava rolled into one made of a light weight breathable fabric, which I am patenting at the moment called "pollenester". My hayfever cap will be known as the "Capalaclava" and will be available in red, blue, green, tartan and paisley (my personal favourite). Watch this space! I am sure it will be available for retail soon - it could go global - I will have to write to the BBC and get on the Dragons Den. I am sure Duncan will love it!

So my friends, don't forget to email me your jokes and thoughts by clicking here and you could be teeing off with some brand new Srixon balls next month just like Harry and Steen - don't forget the caption competition too. I agree with Harry that Squeaky is a great team player, he definitely "rodent" let you down, not like his friend Punchy who hurt his leg by pulling his "hamster-ring"! Check out Michael Jordan below showing you how to slam dunk it from the bunker and send me any links you find online to some incredible golf shots so we can all say "That's easy, I did that once!" Happy golfing my friends, enjoy the sunshine and be proud of that polo shirt tan!

Best wishes Hamish McBirdy :)